blog 𖦹

paracord

with korasua and kidlucky

my friends they do what they wanna do
and i, i swear that
my friend have been bones, skin, and glue
through thick, thin, and fat
my friend she lives in a cocoon
her cuts and bones wrapped
my friends they’ll do what they wanna do
cut off the arm attached
to you
you’re food
the flame will fuse
our heads in two
but i refuse
to merge
to a lane, "a head"
no arms or legs
escape the depths
when i’m grown
i’ll wed with you

hey, okay!
i’ll go the other way
you’ll move to paris, gabe
i’ll find my own way home
cut my hair off
and my arm’s gone
can you hold this
worn and passed onto
i put my past on you
so take what’s passed with you

we’ll put this passed us too
we could kiss tonight
put spit and spite
into
you
and in time
will you pass by?
if you cut the cord
i'll tie it to my shoe
oo
my friends, they do what they wanna do
i, i can’t ask
my friend to tie me to her shoe
do you think we’ll last
through
this blue?
will they heal alright,
the cuts in your cocoon?
oo

i can’t keep conversations
i put myself away
pardon my fatuation
there’s nothing else to say
“you know you’ll never make it”
so take me far away
our bodies’ separating
still i can’t shake this pain
off of me
so offer me
the hand that you
embroidered to my waist

tell me what you’re thinkin’
tell me what you’re thinkin’
i can’t keep conversations
so tell me what you’re
just tell me what you’re
just tell me what you’re
just tell me what you're thinkin’ ahh!
my friends, they do what they wanna do
if she cuts the cord, i’ll tie it to my shoe

april 9, 2025 - not-so-personal meanderings

hey,

i haven’t made a blog post in a while. i’m writing this because i’m visiting denver to see my grandma and all i can really do in my free time is work on my website. anyway, i’ve been thinking a lot lately… about various things… and i don’t know how vulnerable i can truly be on my blog. i kind of figured i would reserve my blog for not-so-personal meanderings and more so intellectual explorations, things i’m interested in, or things i’m creating. regardless, i want what i share to be the truest expression of me.

what i’ve been thinking a lot about lately is how ironically poor i am at expressing myself despite dedicating my life to self-expression. anyone who knows me knows i’m incredibly emotional, almost to a fault. maybe a little impulsive too, even if i don’t let myself on to be. it is a great strength when it comes to writing music - following your impulse, intuition, and whatever feels right - but can be a great hurdle socially. i think of all the times i’ve cried in public, which is definitely more than the average person, and it’s like my body follows a compulsion i can’t control. and sometimes my mouth does too. that’s not to excuse anything i’ve ever said or done, however. but following an impulse when it comes to music, i’ve realized, is far different from following an impulse in life.

recently, i wrote a song called windswept. the lyrics are a bit too real and personal to share right now, but it’s one of the truest songs i’ve ever written. it made me realize that the truth seems to bleed out in all of my music—but not necessarily in how i live. i can’t admit things to myself like i can in music… and what i think is so great about expression with poetry and prose is the ability to guide a story but never fully tell it. cliche, but everything is open to interpretation. and maybe it’s easier to hide in between the lines than it is to spell something out.

i will share one stanza from the song, because it’s a bit meta and the soul of the song exists in its paradox:

“so solder the pieces
and search for the reasons
no, truth isn’t treason
no poetry is speaking to me”


the song then goes into a spoken poetry verse.

my name in chinese is 诗云, which means poetry speaking. it’s pretty self-referential and ironic to claim that “no poetry is speaking to me” in a song, and then go on to literally recite spoken poetry. in what inspired this song, i felt like i had lost a piece of myself: my voice, my muse. and it was my own doing. and the worst part is that my pain is not comparable to the pain inflicted. regardless, i reflected and realized that the truth is not my enemy, it’s necessary. it’s not something to bury deep. and even when poetry feels like it can’t be spoken, it must. if poetry is my truth, i must speak it. and i wish i applied that a little more to my typical life.

isobel

january 26, 2025 - fauna

so last night, i wrote some of the most beautiful lyrics i’ve ever written… i want to nerd out about it a little. this is just the beginning demo—a little group of my music friends are working on making it a full song. kidlucky sent me this little instrumental track with the name “fauna” and i wrote this to it as a start:

i picture this set on a night in the woods. you stumble upon a deer and realize the deer is just like you—your brother, mother, and perhaps the children that will come after you. all the pain inflicted upon this deer, and the earth, is just like the pain we inflict upon ourselves as humans; a pain that is carried through generations. i wanted to play with the deer motif—using the word “deer” is intentional. it doubles as a literal reference to the animal and the term of endearment, "dear," reinforcing the idea that we are equal to nature.

the prima donna deer—the daughter deer—represents the self. she does whatever she wants to, but she carries an understanding that her mother sacrificed everything for her. in that sense, i may be a prima donna but my mother was once one as well, and someday, a prima donna will come from me. i imagine the deer’s mother is shot in hunting, and she tells her children to “do whatever you want to, de(e/a)r, ‘cause you’ll never be me.” there’s an element of resignation here—it’s a blessing for her children to live life as their own, but it’s a reminder that they carry the pain of their mother’s sacrifice with them.

my mom is from china. she didn’t come to the states for a better life, however, she came here to be with my dad. just like many immigrants, she gave up her life for me. and i guess i wonder what my mother’s identity would be if not a mother. i feel like i observe that in motherhood, you lose a part of your individuality when you enter it—you lose your name and you become “mom.” it’s cyclical, just as the nature of life and death, prey and predator.

at first, i wrote this with climate change in mind—the deer as a symbol of the earth itself, wounded by both a literal hunter and also the pain we humans are inflicting upon the environment. as i wrote, i began to see a parallel: just as the earth bears the weight of exploitation, families carry the burdens of the generations before them. so i guess i ache for the planet, just as i ache for my mother. to watch la burn, to witness a genocide, to see ecosystems destroyed—it’s devastating. it’s tough, because what can i do to help? nothing really… it’s the people in power who are destroying our planet. at least i can make art about it. in my eyes, flora and fauna are equally deserving of life as humans. and in a deer, i see my brother, mother, and maybe my daughter.

when we finish the song, i might add the original demo here for curious ears to listen to. signing off,

isobel

january 17, 2025 - i love being indie

hey guys. isobel here. life has been pretty cool lately… usually january is tough for me but it’s been amazing so far with the response from my first song. i was pretty emotional about it earlier because i spent so long hating my music and myself. it’s kind of a full circle moment because “laundry” is about hating myself lol. happy to say i no longer feel like that.

it just makes me think that if people like “laundry,” they’re going to love my other music—i honestly don’t love my writing on “laundry” and i think i have more compelling songs. i do, however, think it’s a great introduction to me. it’s a pop song, you know. easy on the ears. catchy. i’m just thankful to have everyone who’s helped me out on the project. josh, my manager, has made having a professional sound—and everything else that comes with putting out music—possible for me. otherwise, laundry would be a shit mix with midi drums. i’m very, very thankful to have him as a mentor.

i have a lot to learn. or maybe i want to learn a lot. i love having a diy ethos in life and my projects. i’m proud that i coded this website myself, filmed and edited my music video, drew my cover art, and produced my songs!! i’ve been working on expanding my sound design knowledge too, but aside from that, i want to learn some other software… it would be cool to learn blender or something just for the heck of it.  i want to get into digital media too. it might be cool to do my artwork for scarlet down the line, but i have this vision that the cover art would be a little more digital. maybe i’ll look into adobe illustrator or photoshop when i have the funds. honestly, i love playing on the computer. i love making things. always have.

i’ve also been feeling more confident as a writer. i went live last night and talked about the meaning of some of my unreleased lyrics, and i guess it was nice to get some outsider opinion and validation. it makes me feel like a real artist, i guess. i think of all the poets, writers, and artists i draw from and hope one day i could be that person for someone else. i wish to be as poetic of a writer as like adrianne lenker, mary oliver, elliott smith, or bjork. for now, i’ll allude to them in my music. someone from my live video suggested making a lyric book one day with doodles and annotations. i would love to do that. i envision my eps as little worlds full of parables. each parable has a setting and characters that are a part of me—half-truths, half-abstractions. 

anyway, my favorite song right now is “carbonhead” by tracey brakes. the lyrics make me cry. i believe the song is about everything that comes with being trans. although i can’t relate to that aspect, she conveys a feeling of ostracism in her lyrics that feel universal. the song is an exploration of who you are versus who you could be, which is an exact theme i explored in one of my songs, “miss intentions.” the content of each song is different, but “carbonhead” tugs at my heart because i feel like i’ve felt similar… like the person you want to be is not who you are and the weight of that drags you down deep. the melody in that song is so beautiful too. this song has been on repeat for me since early december. the album it’s from, my twee monsters, is fantastic too. hard recommend.

bit of a long entry today, sorry. signing off.

isobel

december 7, 2024 - whatever...

hey,

i was walking at night today and looking at the headlights on the cars and i realized the world is so beautiful when you have an astigmatism.

pictured are some images i fw today. i watched the substance about a week ago and i genuinely closed my eyes for half the movie. i don’t do well with the body stuff, oh my god… and the story of self-hatred is just too much for me. it was a good movie though—so visually grotesque but it achieved what it set out to do. i’m honestly not really a movie person. i only watch them with friends. they always want to watch horror movies and i do genuinely get scared. i would never elect to watch a horror movie on my own. i don’t like the stress. i close my eyes often during movies.

i wrote a song in chinese today. well, partially. it switches between mandarin and english. honestly i don’t love the song but i’m proud of my chinese lyrics because i’ve never written anything worth sharing in chinese before.

it’s much more poetic in chinese than it is in english. some things just don’t translate quite right. it also makes more sense in the context of the song. i couldn’t really come up with a compelling story, but i landed on the narrator leaving their partner but still loving them. the english explores the question of whether they should leave, and the chinese is a soft acceptance that it’s okay to “cut the string.” i like to write in characters because it allows me to tell stories that aren't necessarily true. usually they're abstractions and sometimes they're just fully made up, like this one. it’s supposed to tie into the meaning of the album i’m working on—the red string theory—but i just don’t think the song is interesting enough. whatever.

spotify wrapped came out a few days ago. every year i’m humbled because i wear my love for music on my sleeve but my listening minutes aren’t nearly as high as everyone else. or maybe everyone else is just crazy… do they never just enjoy silence? they don’t count me listening to my own music, however. i listened for 18,022 minutes. my top artists were feeble little horse, bjork, alice phoebe lou, elliott smith, and fiona apple. all of my top songs were from feeble little horse. i’ve been obsessed with their music this year. i thought i listened to way less bjork this year but she was still my number two. she is usually my number one.

here’s my top song this year - i hope you like it as much as me. i streamed it 77 times.



isobel

november 30, 2024 - on boyish

dear reader,

i wrote about scarlet, so naturally, i must write about boyish. ideally, boyish would be an album - i have enough songs for it. but for the sake of just finally getting music out, it’s an ep. boyish is my coming-of-age story. it’s an angsty ode to the midwest. the songs were written from ages 17-20, with “aubrey” being the oldest and “i’d do” being the youngest. i knew i wanted my first ep to be named boyish, even before i knew what songs would be on it. boyish, as a name, feels like it encapsulates me: a tomboy through and through. there are a couple of songs on boyish that i’m in love with, and sonically, they go well together because they use a lot of 7 chords. those songs are “hot shit” and “i’d do.”

“hot shit” might be the best song on the project. i wrote it back in november 2023 when i was fed up with life. it’s mainly about those people who think they’re the shit, and dealing with them as a moody girl in a suffocating town. maybe you have someone who comes to mind when you think of that… perhaps a boss or a man in your life. i’ve had a few guy friends over the years and usually, in one way or another, they disappoint me with their behavior or actions behind closed doors. it sucks when you think someone is one way, but then they show you another side of themself and you realize they’re not as safe as you thought. i feel like men also tend to have an abundance of unwarranted confidence that women typically have to fight for. “hot shit” is a gritty ballad about shitty guys and shitty people who think they’re above everyone else, use religion to excuse their malice, and abuse their power over you.

the other hit on boyish is “i’d do,” a clever little play on words: i(‘d) do (u). “i’d do” is a song on the duality between love and lust. it’s about believing that someone could be in your life forever, but you’re not quite sure, so you let lust guide you. sonically, i’m a big fan of it. the repeating hook throughout the song gets me, especially when it erupts with a distorted guitar lead that transports you to a sweaty house show basement. “i’d do” is a midwestern song about your best friend or lover. or when your lover is your best friend. there are a couple of people in my life who i think i’ll know forever and it’s because they’re both my best friends. and i’m in love with both of them. “i’d do” is about being in love with your best friend and it’s most evident in these lyrics:

‘cause i-i-i-i love you whenever, baby
time will screw us together
yes, i’ll love you forever, maybe
and i’d do you, whatever!
do-o-o you-o-o-o-o
do-o-o you-o-o-o-o
‘cause “i do,” or whatever
bid adieu to you, i’ll never say it
dude, we go together
but my heart can’t take the pressure of it

the lyric “time will screw us together” is a double entendre. time will cement us in place but also f*** us over. maybe it’s a triple entendre because you can interpret time being f***ed in two ways… the whole song plays with double meanings, exploring love and ambivalence. i imagine it in the fall in michigan, running around the woods and riding bikes with your best friend. you climb trees by the creek and explore train tracks, arm in arm. i see “i’d do” set to imagery of hanging out with your childhood best friend - maybe because the song has a youthful energy. “i’d do,” however, is written for my current best friends.

boyish is a project i’m proud of because every part of it feels like me - it captures my adolescence. i imagine boyish as the backtrack to a coming-of-age movie. my songwriting in this era is the process of finding my voice, and i hope to carry the approach i had to boyish with me as i continue to make music. i hope boyish finds its way to those who need it most—to the young queer girls and tomboys like i was. may it be a soundtrack to their own coming-of-age stories, just as it was for mine.

isobel

november 26, 2024 - on scarlet

dear reader,

i wanted to write a bit about my second ep/album, scarlet. i’m not sure if it’s an ep or album yet purely by length; it’s seven tracks, so something in between. i’m hoping the producer i collaborate with, kidlucky, will send me another beat or two to write over and add to the project. before this project everything of mine was self-produced - something i take great pride in. i remember telling my manager way back when that i wanted my first project to be self-produced, and then i’d consider working with other producers after. it ended up happening that way organically.

kidlucky dmed me saying that my “insta link doesn’t work” from my soundcloud about a year ago. from there he sent me his demos and we started to talk about music. this may sound a little condescending but what surprised me about him was i liked his music - a rare occurrence for me in the diy music community. he sent me the instrumental “sober sally” and i knew i had to hop on asap. well, first i ignored his message for five days (coincidentally mirroring one of the original lyrics in the song) and then i started writing as soon as i listened. it came naturally too - i wrote and recorded the demo in about two hours and sent it back. from there, he would send me instrumentals and i would send something back within a few hours or the next couple of days. “sober sally” is about two characters, a boy and a girl, hopelessly intertwined in drug use. the boy is high all the time and subsequently doesn’t show that he cares about the narrator. the narrator hurts themself to get this guy’s attention. if these were tv characters, they’d be jesse and jane from breaking bad. “sober sally” is one of my favorites from the bunch.

another one of my favorites is “undercover.” my girlfriend showed me the song “hot knife" by fiona apple a couple months before writing it. i was very inspired by the knife-and-butter metaphor, so i appropriated it. i also wanted to capture the sensuality of bjork’s “cocoon” - a song i grew up with. “undercover” was written in 15 minutes over a facetime call with my best friend. he was doing his work while i mumbled to myself, scrambling down words. i then quickly hung up and recorded the demo. the lyrics, concept, and everything about that song came so intuitively. it felt like the song was already there; i just unveiled it. i wanted to capture the idea of a childhood love - your childhood best friend, or your first love. i feel it’s most evident in this verse in the song:

you play your tricks, what sticks gets stuck
through thick and thin, a string i pluck
when we were kids and lighting struck
it hit your head, your heart conducts it through
right through
in two
my love runs through you

this verse, and the idea behind the song, also capture the concept of the project. the “string” i’m referring to both the strings of the guitar i play and the red string theory, a belief in chinese folklore that two people who are destined to meet each other are tied together by a red string. i often feel like the people i meet, especially those important to me, are people who are fated to be in my life. i think that’s true for other people too. i believe in the red string theory - or at least i’m fond of the idea of it. “undercover” was also written right before a family trip to china to see family and my mom’s hometown. i listened to it on repeat there, and the images i associate with it are all videos and photos i took on that trip. to me, “undercover” is a rainy day covered by umbrellas, in the ancient town in 绍兴 or by the beautiful west lake in 杭州. “undercover” is getting late-night ramen outside a busy fluorescent street and biking home in the chinese countryside. if it were a movie, it would be your name decorated with imagery from chungking express. scarlet is the red string theory, and i’m excited about it as a project. it’s a real gem - a no-skip album if you will. those songs feature some of my best storytelling and lyricism. working with another producer made me realize where i shine best: as a singer-songwriter. i want to keep writing songs that capture the same magic as the songs from scarlet. maybe i’ll go into a bit more depth about some of the other songs in a future blog post.

signing off,
isobel

november 25, 2024 - welcome 2 my blog

dear reader,

welcome to my blog. i’ve decided to explore a new creative avenue: long-form writing! after all, one of my favorite things to do is write - god, you should see my journals. i’ve kept a journal since i was in kindergarten. most of them are collecting dust in the basement, but i keep my most recently relevant journals in my room. i wish i could post some of the entries, poems, and songs from my journals here, but everything i’ve written is a mess of poetic nothings about my deeply personal affairs. i’ll flip through, however, and see if there’s anything non-descript enough worth sharing for the future.

anyway, we’re in the heart of autumn - nearing the end, actually. the leaves continue to undress the trees and outside it smells like firewood and sugar maple. a week ago, i cut my hair, and feel like a new me - someone excited for life. i’m super stoked about putting out my ep. it just sounds so good. there are still many things i could nitpick about it but overall, i’m satisfied. still gotta go through mixing and mastering, however. lately, i’ve been sketching some artwork for singles. i don’t know why i didn’t think of doing the art on my own earlier - i’ve always loved drawing. here are some single artwork sketches i’ve been working on:

**my art style is super inspired by adventure time if you can’t tell.

i’m thinking of mixed media for singles and a drawing alone for ep art. in my head, boyish is blue - a tale of a midwestern teenager coming to grips with the reality of adult love and life. a coming-of-age story, if you will. the final track on my ep, “aubrey,” was one of the first few songs i ever wrote. it’s crazy to think that it’s finished and will be officially released. it’s also probably the song i’m least in love with - i guess i just outgrew it. a couple of friends of mine told me they liked the original demo more than the new version. i feel like the original holds a special place in my friends’ hearts. it does for me too, but when i listen to it now, i cringe. i did my best with the new version so it is what it is. i like it, i just don’t love it like i do my punky ballads, “hot shit” and “i’d do.” those two are gold. i listen and i get stank face. shit rocks.

that’s all i’ve got for today. cya.

isobel