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december 7, 2024 - whatever...

hey,

i was walking at night today and looking at the headlights on the cars and i realized the world is so beautiful when you have an astigmatism.

pictured are some images i fw today. i watched the substance about a week ago and i genuinely closed my eyes for half the movie. i don’t do well with the body stuff, oh my god… and the story of self-hatred is just too much for me. it was a good movie though—so visually grotesque but it achieved what it set out to do. i’m honestly not really a movie person. i only watch them with friends. they always want to watch horror movies and i do genuinely get scared. i would never elect to watch a horror movie on my own. i don’t like the stress. i close my eyes often during movies.

i wrote a song in chinese today. well, partially. it switches between mandarin and english. honestly i don’t love the song but i’m proud of my chinese lyrics because i’ve never written anything worth sharing in chinese before.

it’s much more poetic in chinese than it is in english. some things just don’t translate quite right. it also makes more sense in the context of the song. i couldn’t really come up with a compelling story, but i landed on the narrator leaving their partner but still loving them. the english explores the question of whether they should leave, and the chinese is a soft acceptance that it’s okay to “cut the string.” i like to write in characters because it allows me to tell stories that aren't necessarily true. usually they're abstractions and sometimes they're just fully made up, like this one. it’s supposed to tie into the meaning of the album i’m working on—the red string theory—but i just don’t think the song is interesting enough. whatever.

spotify wrapped came out a few days ago. every year i’m humbled because i wear my love for music on my sleeve but my listening minutes aren’t nearly as high as everyone else. or maybe everyone else is just crazy… do they never just enjoy silence? they don’t count me listening to my own music, however. i listened for 18,022 minutes. my top artists were feeble little horse, bjork, alice phoebe lou, elliott smith, and fiona apple. all of my top songs were from feeble little horse. i’ve been obsessed with their music this year. i thought i listened to way less bjork this year but she was still my number two. she is usually my number one.

here’s my top song this year - i hope you like it as much as me. i streamed it 77 times.



isobel

november 30, 2024 - on boyish

dear reader,

i wrote about scarlet, so naturally, i must write about boyish. ideally, boyish would be an album - i have enough songs for it. but for the sake of just finally getting music out, it’s an ep. boyish is my coming-of-age story. it’s an angsty ode to the midwest. the songs were written from ages 17-20, with “aubrey” being the oldest and “i’d do” being the youngest. i knew i wanted my first ep to be named boyish, even before i knew what songs would be on it. boyish, as a name, feels like it encapsulates me: a tomboy through and through. there are a couple of songs on boyish that i’m in love with, and sonically, they go well together because they use a lot of 7 chords. those songs are “hot shit” and “i’d do.”

“hot shit” might be the best song on the project. i wrote it back in november 2023 when i was fed up with life. it’s mainly about those people who think they’re the shit, and dealing with them as a moody girl in a suffocating town. maybe you have someone who comes to mind when you think of that… perhaps a boss or a man in your life. i’ve had a few guy friends over the years and usually, in one way or another, they disappoint me with their behavior or actions behind closed doors. it sucks when you think someone is one way, but then they show you another side of themself and you realize they’re not as safe as you thought. i feel like men also tend to have an abundance of unwarranted confidence that women typically have to fight for. “hot shit” is a gritty ballad about shitty guys and shitty people who think they’re above everyone else, use religion to excuse their malice, and abuse their power over you.

the other hit on boyish is “i’d do,” a clever little play on words: i(‘d) do (u). “i’d do” is a song on the duality between love and lust. it’s about believing that someone could be in your life forever, but you’re not quite sure, so you let lust guide you. sonically, i’m a big fan of it. the repeating hook throughout the song gets me, especially when it erupts with a distorted guitar lead that transports you to a sweaty house show basement. “i’d do” is a midwestern song about your best friend or lover. or when your lover is your best friend. there are a couple of people in my life who i think i’ll know forever and it’s because they’re both my best friends. and i’m in love with both of them. “i’d do” is about being in love with your best friend and it’s most evident in these lyrics:

‘cause i-i-i-i love you whenever, baby
time will screw us together
yes, i’ll love you forever, maybe
and i’d do you, whatever!
do-o-o you-o-o-o-o
do-o-o you-o-o-o-o
‘cause “i do,” or whatever
bid adieu to you, i’ll never say it
dude, we go together
but my heart can’t take the pressure of it

the lyric “time will screw us together” is a double entendre. time will cement us in place but also f*** us over. maybe it’s a triple entendre because you can interpret time being f***ed in two ways… the whole song plays with double meanings, exploring love and ambivalence. i imagine it in the fall in michigan, running around the woods and riding bikes with your best friend. you climb trees by the creek and explore train tracks, arm in arm. i see “i’d do” set to imagery of hanging out with your childhood best friend - maybe because the song has a youthful energy. “i’d do,” however, is written for my current best friends.

boyish is a project i’m proud of because every part of it feels like me - it captures my adolescence. i imagine boyish as the backtrack to a coming-of-age movie. my songwriting in this era is the process of finding my voice, and i hope to carry the approach i had to boyish with me as i continue to make music. i hope boyish finds its way to those who need it most—to the young queer girls and tomboys like i was. may it be a soundtrack to their own coming-of-age stories, just as it was for mine.

isobel

november 26, 2024 - on scarlet

dear reader,

i wanted to write a bit about my second ep/album, scarlet. i’m not sure if it’s an ep or album yet purely by length; it’s seven tracks, so something in between. i’m hoping the producer i collaborate with, kidlucky, will send me another beat or two to write over and add to the project. before this project everything of mine was self-produced - something i take great pride in. i remember telling my manager way back when that i wanted my first project to be self-produced, and then i’d consider working with other producers after. it ended up happening that way organically.

kidlucky dmed me saying that my “insta link doesn’t work” from my soundcloud about a year ago. from there he sent me his demos and we started to talk about music. this may sound a little condescending but what surprised me about him was i liked his music - a rare occurrence for me in the diy music community. he sent me the instrumental “sober sally” and i knew i had to hop on asap. well, first i ignored his message for five days (coincidentally mirroring one of the original lyrics in the song) and then i started writing as soon as i listened. it came naturally too - i wrote and recorded the demo in about two hours and sent it back. from there, he would send me instrumentals and i would send something back within a few hours or the next couple of days. “sober sally” is about two characters, a boy and a girl, hopelessly intertwined in drug use. the boy is high all the time and subsequently doesn’t show that he cares about the narrator. the narrator hurts themself to get this guy’s attention. if these were tv characters, they’d be jesse and jane from breaking bad. “sober sally” is one of my favorites from the bunch.

another one of my favorites is “undercover.” my girlfriend showed me the song “hot knife" by fiona apple a couple months before writing it. i was very inspired by the knife-and-butter metaphor, so i appropriated it. i also wanted to capture the sensuality of bjork’s “cocoon” - a song i grew up with. “undercover” was written in 15 minutes over a facetime call with my best friend. he was doing his work while i mumbled to myself, scrambling down words. i then quickly hung up and recorded the demo. the lyrics, concept, and everything about that song came so intuitively. it felt like the song was already there; i just unveiled it. i wanted to capture the idea of a childhood love - your childhood best friend, or your first love. i feel it’s most evident in this verse in the song:

you play your tricks, what sticks gets stuck
through thick and thin, a string i pluck
when we were kids and lighting struck
it hit your head, your heart conducts it through
right through
in two
my love runs through you

this verse, and the idea behind the song, also capture the concept of the project. the “string” i’m referring to both the strings of the guitar i play and the red string theory, a belief in chinese folklore that two people who are destined to meet each other are tied together by a red string. i often feel like the people i meet, especially those important to me, are people who are fated to be in my life. i think that’s true for other people too. i believe in the red string theory - or at least i’m fond of the idea of it. “undercover” was also written right before a family trip to china to see family and my mom’s hometown. i listened to it on repeat there, and the images i associate with it are all videos and photos i took on that trip. to me, “undercover” is a rainy day covered by umbrellas, in the ancient town in 绍兴 or by the beautiful west lake in 杭州. “undercover” is getting late-night ramen outside a busy fluorescent street and biking home in the chinese countryside. if it were a movie, it would be your name decorated with imagery from chungking express. scarlet is the red string theory, and i’m excited about it as a project. it’s a real gem - a no-skip album if you will. those songs feature some of my best storytelling and lyricism. working with another producer made me realize where i shine best: as a singer-songwriter. i want to keep writing songs that capture the same magic as the songs from scarlet. maybe i’ll go into a bit more depth about some of the other songs in a future blog post.

signing off,
isobel

november 25, 2024 - welcome 2 my blog

dear reader,

welcome to my blog. i’ve decided to explore a new creative avenue: long-form writing! after all, one of my favorite things to do is write - god, you should see my journals. i’ve kept a journal since i was in kindergarten. most of them are collecting dust in the basement, but i keep my most recently relevant journals in my room. i wish i could post some of the entries, poems, and songs from my journals here, but everything i’ve written is a mess of poetic nothings about my deeply personal affairs. i’ll flip through, however, and see if there’s anything non-descript enough worth sharing for the future.

anyway, we’re in the heart of autumn - nearing the end, actually. the leaves continue to undress the trees and outside it smells like firewood and sugar maple. a week ago, i cut my hair, and feel like a new me - someone excited for life. i’m super stoked about putting out my ep. it just sounds so good. there are still many things i could nitpick about it but overall, i’m satisfied. still gotta go through mixing and mastering, however. lately, i’ve been sketching some artwork for singles. i don’t know why i didn’t think of doing the art on my own earlier - i’ve always loved drawing. here are some single artwork sketches i’ve been working on:

**my art style is super inspired by adventure time if you can’t tell.

i’m thinking of mixed media for singles and a drawing alone for ep art. in my head, boyish is blue - a tale of a midwestern teenager coming to grips with the reality of adult love and life. a coming-of-age story, if you will. the final track on my ep, “aubrey,” was one of the first few songs i ever wrote. it’s crazy to think that it’s finished and will be officially released. it’s also probably the song i’m least in love with - i guess i just outgrew it. a couple of friends of mine told me they liked the original demo more than the new version. i feel like the original holds a special place in my friends’ hearts. it does for me too, but when i listen to it now, i cringe. i did my best with the new version so it is what it is. i like it, i just don’t love it like i do my punky ballads, “hot shit” and “i’d do.” those two are gold. i listen and i get stank face. shit rocks.

that’s all i’ve got for today. cya.

isobel