notebook ༝༚༝༚

a spider's cognition extends to its web

what is your mode of extended cognition? mine is my web(site)
here's an excerpt from some album brainstorming:

who and what is scarlet?

emotion as an ecosystem

red string theory

anthropocentric illusion

fatalism vs. existentialism

death as consumption

scarlet is a girl navigating an ecosystem of emotion, relationships, destiny, and nature. her story is an exploration of disillusionment, contradiction, a deconstruction of human exceptionalism, and a critique of control — control of oneself and the control imposed by those in power (the masculine, the capitalist, the urban)

the character isobel embraces self-exile. scarlet wavers between a resistance of fate and accepting it, ultimately returning to herself (her ecosystem, her nature)
saw in your eyes, a dream
there's an ocean full of poppies and they're blooming for the other me
in a forest pitch dark
glowed the tiniest spark
it burst into a flame
like me, like me
my name isobel
married to myself
my love isobel
living by herself
bjork
miss intentions
hot
i'm coming in hot
as if greetings weren’t enough for me
it’s getting pretty hot
‘cause i tried to fake it
feelings faded
god
you wear a facade
‘cuz you’re getting dinner company
but your plate here has a lot
am i worth the mention
ms. intentions?
saw in your eyes, a dream
there’s an ocean full of poppies
and they're blooming for the other me
didn’t wanna waste them
pluck & break them
hot
it’s too hot
getting hot
and you’re too much for me
you cross dimensions
ms. intentions
dinner party
you know i love it when you talk about me
i remember when your head caught flame
it kissed your scalp and caressed your brain
lorde
made this to mess around on drums
emotional ecology
red thread of fate
existentialism vs. fatalism
nature vs. urbanity
inheritance
power dynamics
femininity, instinct, isolation
vanity, sensuality
intensity, desire, confusion
renewal
killing pain, pain killing you
you play your tricks
what sticks gets stuck
through thick and thin
a string i pluck
when we were kids and lightning struck
it hit your head
your heart conducts it through
right through
in two
my love runs through you
my verse on kidlucky's song, teeth

ripped jeans, said i never wanna come back
i'm thirteen when i get a little attached
make a scene, no he didn't mean to say that
cut my teeth on a ring, didn't want that
maybe we can kiss when it's over
in twenty years i'll be looking for closure
fifteen when we met in october
cut my teeth, wedding rings, now i'm sober
marzipan
are we living in my american fantasy?
are there parking lots in purgatory?
got a white girl
(white girl, dressed in white, think that makes her more my type)
i think i’m gonna fight her
(fight her for the light, if she barks then i will bite)
get that something out her fire
(“rache” the girl i spite, wrote her name on walls of white)
will you let me in you
in you
in you
in you ahh oo?
"whatever you want me to do, i will do"
untitled 10
these days, stay in
watching window panes
figures, fractions
half my heart is chained to you

and oh, i'd cut myself in two
to give a part of me to you
half my heart's in hell with you
so give a part to helen too
old song
i will wade out
'til my thighs are steeped in burning flowers
i will take the sun in my mouth
and leap into the ripe air
alive
with closed eyes
to dash against darkness
in the sleeping curves of my
body
shall enter fingers of smooth mastery
with chasteness of sea-girls
will i complete the mystery
of my flesh
ee cummings
isadora duncan... a beautiful yet tragic tale. she was a pioneer of contemporary dance. her philosphy was to connect emotions and movement, prioritizing fluidity and freedom over rigidity. she offered her body to art but was claimed by tradgedy when her long, silken scarf entaged in the wheel of the car she rode in, breaking her neck. long scarves, free and flowing, were like an extension of her body and her philosophy of movement. the object that flowed with her ultimately strangled her.
'cause "i do," or whatever
bid adieu to you, i'd never say it
dude, we go together
but my heart can't take the pressure of it
i('d) do (u)
s(u/o)n
de(e/a)r
princess mononoke
your name
adventure time
vespertine
pure heroine
either/or
biophilia
ponyo
anodyne
makeup dripped down from the sky
rain in black and petrified
pebbles grown in crystalline
flowers sprout
rachel 我的月亮
夜色放心上
黑暗有光
发如金太阳
我的月亮
夜色放心上
黑暗有光
发如金太阳
(rahel)
我的月亮 (月亮, 月亮 )
夜色放心上 (月亮, 月亮, 我)
黑暗有光 (月亮, 月亮)
发如金太阳 (月亮, 月亮, 我)
(rahel)
我的月亮 (月亮, 月亮)
夜色放心上 (月亮, 月亮, 我)
黑暗有光 (月亮, 月亮)
发如金太阳 (月亮, 月亮, 我)

few know how obsessed with this musical/painting i used to be

my best friend downloaded my site and now he's making fun of me for how messy my code is
dorian gray

u said "im not gay"
i put my eyes to the pavement
paint a picture so gray
that i kissed it to save it
baby
makeout
with me

you're leading me on
so take me to paris
where the ladies would fawn
over portaits u painted
of me
i’m sexy, touch me

i think i like me
picture pretty
such a pity
you dont want me too
ooh
can i make out in the mirror with you?
12/7/23
我叫诗云。你知不知道我的名字的意思?
and we share a paradise and i roll them once or twice
adrianne lenker
love me now or love me later
love the lives of shitty neighbors too
i'm just passing through
when i was a kid, i did these children's opera shows. one year we did the story of chang'e, the moon maiden. i played hou yi's apprentice, feng meng.

the story begins long ago when ten suns scorched the earth. the great archer hou yi shot down nine of the ten suns, leaving one and saving the world. hou yi was given the elixir of immortality as a reward.

one day, feng meng tried to steal the elixir while hou yi was away. to stop him, chang'e swallowed the elixir of immortality and floated up to the moon. in doing so, she became estranged from the world she knew. her story is one of forced, or chosen metamorphosis.
undercover
whatever you say
whatever you do
whatever you play
whatever, screw you
whatever you say
whatever you do
what movie you play
i'd rather watch you
whatever you want
whatever you choose
it's never enough
i only want you
'cause i think i like you
i mean the whole song is already on the internet so does another snippet hurt?
whatever you want, whatever’s what i’ll be
damage is done, but do you still like me?
you pearl and you clot, it’s pig blood and scabies
give birth to a song, give life to a baby
whatever you want, whatever’s what i’ll be
what movie you watch, i’ll turn on the tv
whatever you got; whatever, you got me
in the mirror i saw me holding your baby
just wanna give some credit - i got the idea to do a notebook page like this from suboptimalism, which is probably my favorite website right now
fauna
sweating in a sauna
in a deer, i saw my brother
(my brother, my mother, and maybe my daughter)
he said “it’s for the best”

prima donna
she do just what she wanna
but she did it for deer momma
‘cause there’s a hole inside her chest

“in my old age,
they’re hunting me
darling, do whatever you want to, deer
‘cause you’ll never be me”

deer mother,
deer brother,
deer daughter,
do you think it’s for the best?

flora
awoken in aurora
in a fawn, i met pandora
(pandora, a horror, but beauty might behold her)
she opened up her chest

isadora
naked but he wore her
in a slit right down her coffer
there’s a world inside her breast

and in my old age,
i’ll comfort me
‘cause you can do whatever you want to, deer,
but it’ll never be free
deer mother,
deer brother,
deer daughter,
he said "it's for the best"
the creation of a single world comes from a huge number of fragments and chaos
hayao miyazaki
i wake up
in white
a handful of light
lay down by my side
our legs intertwined

i'll wake up
tonight
can’t make up my mind
the sun picks a side
a quarter past five:
it’s you

when is it time for you?
when am i right for you?
can i confide in you
can i confide in
103 bpm, bmaj

if you use this, dm me
windswept
want, so you take it
a brief consolation
the light it was fading
you skip medicating
'cause one times too much
'til one day's another
now we're losing touch
i'm telling my brother